Erma Bombeck Zitate auf Englisch

Zitat des Tages von Erma Bombeck:

God created man, but I could do better.

Sometimes I can't figure designers out. It's as if they flunked human anatomy.

Erma Bombeck

Do you know what you call those who use towels and never wash them, eat meals and never do the dishes, sit in rooms they never clean, and are entertained till they drop? If you have just answered, 'A house guest,' you're wrong because I have just described my kids.

Erma Bombeck

Before you try to keep up with the Joneses, be sure they're not trying to keep up with you.

Erma Bombeck

Youngsters of the age of two and three are endowed with extraordinary strength. They can lift a dog twice their own weight and dump him into the bathtub.

Erma Bombeck

There is a thin line that separates laughter and pain, comedy and tragedy, humor and hurt.

Erma Bombeck

People shop for a bathing suit with more care than they do a husband or wife. The rules are the same. Look for something you'll feel comfortable wearing. Allow for room to grow.

Erma Bombeck

Housework, if you do it right, will kill you.

Erma Bombeck

Car designers are just going to have to come up with an automobile that outlasts the payments.

Erma Bombeck

There is nothing more miserable in the world than to arrive in paradise and look like your passport photo.

Erma Bombeck

It takes a lot of courage to show your dreams to someone else.

Erma Bombeck

Never go to a doctor whose office plants have died.

Erma Bombeck

Never have more children than you have car windows.

Erma Bombeck

When humor goes, there goes civilization.

Erma Bombeck

The only reason I would take up jogging is so that I could hear heavy breathing again.

Erma Bombeck

Once you get a spice in your home, you have it forever. Women never throw out spices. The Egyptians were buried with their spices. I know which one I'm taking with me when I go.

Erma Bombeck

Most women put off entertaining until the kids are grown.

Erma Bombeck

A friend will tell you she saw your old boyfriend - and he's a priest.

Erma Bombeck

For years my wedding ring has done its job. It has led me not into temptation. It has reminded my husband numerous times at parties that it's time to go home. It has been a source of relief to a dinner companion. It has been a status symbol in the maternity ward.

Erma Bombeck

When your mother asks, 'Do you want a piece of advice?' it is a mere formality. It doesn't matter if you answer yes or no. You're going to get it anyway.

Erma Bombeck

On vacations: We hit the sunny beaches where we occupy ourselves keeping the sun off our skin, the saltwater off our bodies, and the sand out of our belongings.

Erma Bombeck

Being a child at home alone in the summer is a high-risk occupation. If you call your mother at work thirteen times an hour, she can hurt you.

Erma Bombeck

Thanksgiving dinners take eighteen hours to prepare. They are consumed in twelve minutes. Half-times take twelve minutes. This is not coincidence.

Erma Bombeck

Never lend your car to anyone to whom you have given birth.

Erma Bombeck

Onion rings in the car cushions do not improve with time.

Erma Bombeck

I take a very practical view of raising children. I put a sign in each of their rooms: 'Checkout Time is 18 years.'

Erma Bombeck

House guests should be regarded as perishables: Leave them out too long and they go bad.

Erma Bombeck

What's with you men? Would hair stop growing on your chest if you asked directions somewhere?

Erma Bombeck

Humorists can never start to take themselves seriously. It's literary suicide.

Erma Bombeck

I have a theory about the human mind. A brain is a lot like a computer. It will only take so many facts, and then it will go on overload and blow up.

Erma Bombeck

A friend doesn't go on a diet because you are fat.

Erma Bombeck

I come from a family where gravy is considered a beverage.

Erma Bombeck

No one ever died from sleeping in an unmade bed. I have known mothers who remake the bed after their children do it because there is wrinkle in the spread or the blanket is on crooked. This is sick.

Erma Bombeck

There's nothing sadder in this world than to awake Christmas morning and not be a child.

Erma Bombeck

I was too old for a paper route, too young for Social Security and too tired for an affair.

Erma Bombeck

All of us have moments in our lives that test our courage. Taking children into a house with a white carpet is one of them.

Erma Bombeck

I haven't trusted polls since I read that 62% of women had affairs during their lunch hour. I've never met a woman in my life who would give up lunch for sex.

Erma Bombeck